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Gyp can keep his trees, this is plenty high enough for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 
Gyp and Tim
 
Episode 9 - The Cat O'Nine Tales

 

Tim among the daffodils
Gyp under the pillows
Tim believes in saying it with flowers, especially when the yellow daffodils complement his black coat so beautifully.
Gyp's keeping a low profile, with just the occasional check to see if the food bowl's been replenished.

 

Winter has descended on the small Southern English Village that is the home of Gypsy and Tim. Cats in other parts of the world may consider the climate in this area to be mild. The boys disagree, they don’t do cold, they don’t do wet, and they especially DO NOT do COLD AND WET, not since the time in the cage. (See episode 2). Winter 2002 in southern England so far has not been too cold, but very wet. By 9 o’clock in the morning, the boys are snuggled down on, rather than under, the duvet. They tried under once, but were sat on, so on is safer.

Gypsy Snappy title, huh?
Tim The Cat O’Nine Tails was a long leather whip used in the 18th and 19th centuries
by the Royal Navy as a punishment on sailors.
Gypsy Episode 9, nine tales, get it? The title was suggested by a pen friend, Casey Cat
from sunny California.
Tim That should be a keyboard friend; we correspond by email. Anyway, this is
episode 8.
Gypsy Details, it’s a great title. We can do episode 8, the missing chapter, later.
Anyway, cats can’t count; at least John thinks we can’t when he hands the cat
treats out. So what are we going to tell the people about what’s been going on?
Tim We must talk about your diet.
Gypsy And yours.
Tim What do you mean mine? I’m not on a diet!
Gypsy You are now. Didn’t you hear John talking the other day? You are now on a diet
as well!
Tim We are English cats; we should talk about the weather.
Gypsy Now, who’s changing the subject? The weather has been good this winter.
Outside it has been cold and wet, but if it really gets cold, the humans leave the
heating on all day. A quick patrol first thing in the morning and it’s off to the sofa
until dinner. I still prefer to drink from the pond rather than the water bowl they
put down for me. I'll have to get John to install an enclosed walkway from the
backdoor. Sometimes I get quite soaked going over there.
Tim I like the radiator hammocks they have installed, one in the lounge, and one in a
bedroom. They are just cat-sized, and very comfortable.
Gypsy The other morning the garden was full of snow. The kitten, Madeleine, seemed to
like it; Thelma and John were not impressed, neither was I. It made my paws
sting, and then wet. The morning patrol was cut short, although I did manage to
get plenty of mud on my paws before I ran upstairs to wake Thelma. She can
move quite quickly when I flick a lump of frozen mud carefully onto her.
Tim John moved rather fast the day you brought in a stoat. Shame it was dead, but
they did not know that at first. You did manage to take it into nearly every room
in the house before departing. Then there was the day the starlings got their
revenge and bombed you.
Gypsy I thought John was not sufficiently concerned. He just muttered something about
letting it dry, then grooming it out, and that’s what he did.
Tim It was last spring when we went for our annual visit to the VET, when your diet
was first mentioned.
Gypsy All right, I’ll do the story, it’s my diet. The VET, a cruel and heartless man, said
that I was over-weight. He also said your teeth were bad. So we were both put
on special food. Mine filled my stomach, yours made you chew. I consider it is a
cat’s fundamental feline right to have a full stomach at all times.

 

Staff Notice. I wondered when I was going to get a word in; these cats will talk the hind leg off a donkey if they get the chance.

 
Tim I’ll talk to you later. How will the donkey be served?

 

Staff Notice. The boys are big cats, Gyps weighed in at 7.2 Kilos. The Vet only has metric scales, so for those lucky people using imperial units of measure, I will translate. That is about 16 pounds. Gypsy was allowed an allowance of 75 units of food per day. Timmy could have as much of his food as he wanted. Trouble was Gyps liked Timmy’s, and Timmy liked Gypsy’s.

 
Gypsy After a month I was taken back in the car to the Vets to be weighed. I like car
trips, I sang all the way there. I’d put on 0.4 kilos. At this time they were still
getting me out of the travel cage to be weighed, so while they were talking, I
wandered into one of the Vet’s cupboards, and found something to eat. They
then weighed the cage, and after that trip I’ve always been weighed in the cage.
After a few months they started feeding me upstairs, and Timmy down-stairs.
Tim That was fun; we had them running around the house at breakfast time.
Gypsy I could convince Thelma that John had not fed me, and then sometimes I got two
breakfasts.
Tim They soon caught on to that one and John fed us both.

 

Staff Notice. After the second month Gypsy had lost about 5 pounds.

 
Gypsy Then they went on holiday, and a nice lady neighbour came in to feed us. I put on
5 pounds.
Tim I managed to lose about 5 pounds, as you scoffed most of my food.

 

Staff Notice. While the staff had a well deserved holiday in the land of the swinging kilts, the boys decided to stay home, and guard their property. A neighbour came in twice a day, to feed and entertain them. Timmy being a nervous cat often hid when she came in, so Gyps got extras.

 
Gypsy All through the autumn I kept travelling to see the VET once a month. One
month up 2 or 3 pounds, the next back down again. After Christmas we went to
the VET yet again. It had been a good few weeks; I was up to 7.9 Kilos.
Trouble was, there was a new VET.

 

Staff Notice. We went through exactly what and when, the boys had to eat.

 
Tim First thing that got the chop was my special teeth cleaning food. It appears it is
very fattening. When it disappeared from the menu I protested, and ignored the
other food.
Gypsy I ate it.
Tim I soon started to eat the new stuff. It was the same as my brother got, same
amount too. Then we noticed every time we left the food bowl it was taken up,
and only put down again if we asked.
Gypsy I went back to the VET, again, I think I could drive myself, if my paws could
reach the pedals. I was down to 7.65. When I came back I noticed that John
weighed out my food each night and morning.

 

Staff Notice. He has been cut down by ¼ oz per day, not much, but he now gets 1¼ ounces each morning and one ounce each evening. Timmy is being cut back as well, as he is becoming plump.

 
Tim In two weeks you hear the results.
Gypsy But this is the end of the episode; the fans will have to wait to see what happens.
Tim Always leave ‘em wanting more.
Gypsy Say Goodnight Timmy.
Tim Goodnight Timmy. Anyone want a bet on how much Slim has gained?
Gypsy Goodnight Folks.

 

Staff Notice. Don’t tell Timmy, but he is going to see the vet too, it is time for the boy’s annual vaccination.

 

Gyp complains about the food being removed.

Ok, the joke's over, put the food back!

Tim taking it easy.

Me, plump! How dare he!

 
Episode 10 - Striped Cats Can’t Count.
 
 

 
Tim in contemplative mood
Gyp taking the air
Tim in contemplative mood.

 
 

The long hot summer of 2003 is drawing to an end in Southern England, where Gypsy and Timmy have spent the season relaxing. Gypsy prefers a comfortable bed in a south facing room, with windows open and curtains closed. Timmy, on the other hand, favours a nice bed of dry grass under a shrub in the garden. Once the unfortunate incident involving a hose-pipe and the staff watering the strawberry plants was sorted out, his life was as tranquil as Gypsy’s. At night they still like their individual armchairs in the lounge. Gypsy has been known to insist that the staff move out of his chair so he can settle down for the night as early as 7 o’clock in the evening.

 
Tim Snappy title, huh?
Gypsy I am a striped cat, and I can count. I know you often get more treats that me,
what’s the idea of this title?
Tim Well you insisted that the last episode, which was chapter 8, should be called
chapter 9, so we are now doing chapter 9, which is called Chapter 10.
Gypsy That’s what I get for letting you go first in the discussion.
Tim I didn’t notice that comment at the end of Chapter 9, about time for the jabs.
Gypsy Old age makes you forgetful. For those readers not up with the plot, over a year
ago, we went to the V-E-T-S to have our annual flu jabs. While we were there the
Vet said I was over-weight (complete lie naturally), and I was put on a diet.
Tim So was I, he said my teeth were not good. I soon came off my diet, as my teeth are
now perfect.
Gypsy I stayed on my diet and every two or three weeks I was put into a travelling basket,
and off to the Vets I went. A nice car ride, I soon got used to it. During the first few
trips I tried singing, but the staff did not join in, or even seem to like it, so after a
while I went to sleep.
Tim This time I was grabbed as well, put in a travelling basket, and loaded into the car.
We both sang all the way to the V-E-T-S.

 

Staff Notice: The trip to the vets is along country lanes for most of the journey, and takes about 25-30 minutes. However with both boys in fine voice, we got it down to about 20. Timmy had not been in the car since his last injection trip, about one year earlier. Gypsy is, by now, an old hand at travelling in cars.

 
Gypsy Not so much of the old, experienced car passenger, I prefer.
This visit was different to the usual. Normally once the staff has parked the car I’m
carried in to the surgery, still in my basket. Then after I’m checked in, we all sit in a
cats only waiting room, (good VET this) until the nurse arrives.
Tim “Cats Only” is good, pity they can’t keep the humans out.
Gypsy Then we all go in another room, and they put the basket on the scales. Sometimes I
get taken out of the basket, and they weigh that too, but they don’t do it often as I
go exploring the cupboards in the room. Then they write my weight in a book. Then
they usually start shaking their heads and muttering. I’ve found if I move about a bit
in the basket I can change what the scales show, so I do often. Then I’m taken
back to the car, we go home. I sleep all the way.
Tim Life is just one long round of pleasure for you. This time we both went, I was taken
out of my basket; injected, returned to my basket, and then you came in. The same
thing happened to you.
Gypsy The annual flu jab was over, then I was weighed, and home we went. I noticed my
food was changed to a new type. A couple of weeks later the food changed again.
Three weeks later back to the VET I went, was weighed, and went home to find
yet another different food in the bowl. I rebelled, and refused to eat it.

 

Staff Notice: When Gypsy refuses to eat, the world holds its breath.

 
Tim Even I was worried. Gyps started taking my food.

 

 

 

Staff Notice. While Gyps was on his diet (15 months), he was fed in one room, Timmy in another. Timmy was not too fond of Gyps’ diet rations, and as Gyps was, it was reasonably easy to keep them apart.

 
Gypsy I quite like the dry (kibble) food, although I will eat the wet, canned stuff.
Tim You will eat anything.
Gypsy After about a year of dieting, my weight was the same as when we started. The vet
kept insisting that I must be getting food elsewhere, John was adamant that I was
not, and he is right. Heaven knows I’ve lived there for years, if there was spare
food in the area I would have found it. I had to stick to the diet. Any mice I took
caught I home to show to Thelma & John. They were pleased.
Tim So the vet changed the food?
Gypsy Yes, and the new food was really nice, and it filled me up, I was losing weight. Then
  suddenly they changed it again.
 

 

Staff Notice. Gyps was getting low on second type of food, but when I went back to get some more, the vet had run out, so they switched him to a third type of diet food. He had lost quite a bit of weight (20-30 grams) while he was on the second type in only 2 weeks. He did have a few days to change from one type to another, But I could see he was getting fed up (ho, ho) with the frequent changes.

 
Tim Variety is the spice of life.
Gypsy Not when it’s my dinner it isn’t. This third lot was OK, but when we went back to
  the VET, I’d put on all the weight I’d lost.

 

Staff Notice. Worse, the vet had discovered that the manufacturer of the second type, the one that really worked, was not going to make any more of it, so a fourth diet food was prescribed. That’s when Gyps revolted.

 

Tim I quite liked the new stuff. I get some sometimes; we are finishing the packet, once
you stopped the diet.
Gypsy I just refused to eat it, and John told the vet that the diet was over. I went back on
normal food, and get taken into the bathroom to be weighed every so often. So far
I’m losing a little. Cats 1 Vets 0. I do miss the car trips though.

 

Staff Notice. In about two months since ending the diet, Gyps has lost about 2 pounds in weight. Timmy is now a lap cat when I’m working on the PC, and he is assisting with this.

 
Tim It is only an hour to supper time, of course I’m going to keep an eye on you, John,
and breakfast was very late this morning.
Staff It is Sunday.
Gypsy That is no excuse.
Tim Well I think that’s all from us for a while, if anything exciting happens to my brother,
I’ll let you know. I’m off to my radiator hammock now. Say goodnight Gypsy.
Gypsy I’m off to my armchair. Goodbye for now.
 

 

The perfect follow up to a good meal.

The perfect follow up to a good meal.

If anyone comes down those stairs, I'll be onto them.

If anyone comes down those stairs, I'll be onto them.

The lengths to which a cat has to go to supplement his diet!

The lengths to which a cat has to go to supplement his diet!